15 Minutes of Fame Here I Come!

Please excuse me for the lack of recent posts. My theory here is quality over quantity. I can’t waste my blog reader’s time with nonsense. Hopefully this post will keep you reading air mattress living and maybe make you laugh, too. :)

When Jennifer first started her new job in LA I was bored and lonely. I maybe heard on the radio there was an open casting call to be on ABC’s Wipeout. I maybe was considering trying out….but then a hang over inhibited me from going to the 9am Saturday casting call. However, during one of my day trips to Starbucks, I found myself applying to be a cast member instead of applying for jobs. The application process was fairly simple. You just had to answer some basic questions and then submit photos of yourself. I of course scoured my 1,543 pictures on facebook and found some real classics that I knew Wipeout would love. Needless to say, after submitting the application, the show had no crossed my mind.

Yesterday I started my new job, my new real job. I have a cubicle, a work email address, and am actually going to order business cards. This is the real deal. Out of the blue, on day 2 at the office, I get a random missed called from a number in Burbank, CA. On my lunch break I check my voicemail, and someone from Wipeout wants to axe, I mean ask, me a few questions. My jaw literally drops. Three and half months after I submitted an online application they call, oh and on the second day of my new job. This has to be a joke.

I call them back to see what is going on. It turns out they had a series of questions to ask me before I could proceed to the next level.

· Do you have health insurance? (red flag #1)

· Do you have any knee, should or back injuries? (hmmm)

· Have you had any major surgeries in the last ten years? (ok so maybe this isn’t such a good idea)

· Oh, and can you swim? (oh, never mind totally legit!)

I passed this rigorous test with flying colors, and they want to have me audition for the show on Friday. Of course I said I would be there. I mean the chance to be on national tv and to win $50,000!! Ummmm, hello. I have no shame and field day was always my favorite day in lower school. Surely I can win this game. However, reality set in, and it probably isn’t the best idea to leave work early on my first week to try out for reality tv. This was my chance for those 15 minutes. Oh well.....

Watch Out Hollywood, Here I Come!

I am sure most of you did not know that as a child I was an aspiring actress. You are probably wondering right now how you did not already know this. Well, I was very humble, and…..my career was very short lived. After going home this weekend and visiting Houston, I thought I might bring my old head shots back to LA and try out this whole ‘acting’ thing again.

I think this headshot will still work, don’t you? I might just comment on the back that I no longer own my GAP suspenders and had braces. I think if I stuck with my talent Hilary Duff would have had some serious competition.

If you are wondering where you would have seen me during my thriving days, well it was not very main stream. I was in an ad for a company called Venture (they no longer exist but were essentially another Target) holding a thing of Gak with my fake family. That was my biggest role (well, and maybe my only role). Now I am much more knowledgeable and am living in the city where dreams come true. Next stop Hollywood baby!

Blogosphere meet KP, KP meet Blogosphere. Happy Thursday

By the way, who took this pictures? Please tell me you did not use your self timer.

If this doesn't make you laugh, I'm not sure what will.
love you KP! xoxo mel mel

The Diary of a Shop Attendant: Chapter 2

This past weekend an elderly lady came into the store and successfully slid a sly one past us, well actually not me, my co-worker. The woman was all frazzled because she drove 25 miles to get to the store in time and realized she was three days past her return date. My co-worker bought her frazzled, traffic, driving, old lady story and let her exchange the bag for a different one. Apparently the one she wanted to return has been ‘sitting’ on her shelf and just isn’t right for her. At this point I am avoiding the return situation since no one has taught me how to do returns this really isn’t my problem.

Well, on Monday, a shipment of bags comes in and the manager is putting them out on the floor and rearranging the displays. While I am helping a customer my boss whispers in my ear to go in the back when I have a second and see what I find in the inside pocket of a purse she has just set back there. I am of course nervous and assume whatever I find will be alive. That is not the case. I quickly walk to the back because impatient me can’t wait to see what is there and look what I find:

If you are still staring and not sure what that is….. there are THREE sanitary napkins inside the purse. SICK. NASTY. That happens to be the exact purse the frantic old lady returned over the weekend. There are so many things wrong with this picture it is not even funny. First of all, frantic old lady is a liar because clearly she used the purse. Why does such an old lady have maxi pads (sick, the word of the post)? How did my co-worker that accepted the return not find them? Keep in mind next to the maxi pads is the price tag that my co-worker PUT INSIDE THE BAG.

A few lessons to take home from this lovely tale: 1. Empty all pockets of a purse when you decide to return it after you have already worn it, and 2. Check inside all the pockets before you buy it. No one wants a “gift with purchase.”

Until next time.

xoxo mel

Dear Uhaul, I hate you.

I have decided that renting a Uhaul is just about the worst thing in the world. Worse than calling At&t, trust me on this one. Last Friday the jewelry store was slow so I got to head out early. I had big plans on going for a run and then maybe taking a nap before the Robert Earl Keen concert that night. All those dreams were crushed when JP declared I go rent a Uhaul to finally pick up a couch from my cousin Stef’s apartment. (Keep in mind Stef has been storing this couch for us in her kitchen for 6 months). I figured this would not be that big of a hassle since I am practically a Uhaul expert. However, I was sadly mistaken. Once again I walked over to the Uhaul store and saw some familiar faces. The line was quite long so I was already getting annoyed. I tried to patiently wait, but then again, Melanie and patience do not really go together now do they. I begin to overhear the rather older lady in front of me complaining to the lovely Uhaul employee. Naturally, I whipped out my i-phone because I knew this was going to be an excellent blog topic, and pictures are always helpful. I decided to take a picture of each individual that was holding up the line, as they both are uniquely disturbing.

This lady, lets call her Gertrude, could not wrap her hands around the concept of a debit card. When you rent a Uhaul they charge your card a projected amount, and then when you return the vehicle your card either gets a refund or charged more, based on your usage. Well that concept was way over Gertrude’s head. Can we first look at her outfit? She is wearing high heels, with a cane, while moving. Interesting. She also has a sweat rag on her left shoulder…sick. She’s sporting a scruncie on her wrist and has an obnoxious sun hat. Besides her major fashion feaux paus, Gertrdue is flat out dumb. I am not kidding I almost went up to her and said listen here…this is how it works. However, her lovely son, who is not pictured, decided to come up and remedy the situation…right. He was just as bad with his curly ponytail and holey t-shirt. I was lucky enough to stand next to them when it was finally my turn to be helped and got to hear their conversation first hand. He was telling Gertrude how he enjoys working with cash only to avoid these debit card situations. He then preceded to say how he actually prefers to pay with gold and would just like to chip off from a gold brick what he needs and then they can put it on a scale and call it a day. EXCUSE ME……. I literally was dying laughing. He likes to trade in gold…right. The worst part was no one else in the store found this nearly as funny as me! I mean come on. You would like to rent your Uhaul in gold. After he said that, I was really upset I did snap his photo.

This is a picture of the other individual in line in front of me. That is his calf. I wanted everyone to see this one. No explanation necessary here.

After I finally got the Uhaul, JP thought it would be great idea if I picked her up from work and then she could help with the sofa. That all sounded great until I pulled up to her office building. She works in the same building as CAA, one of the largest talent agencies in LA. Imagine Entourage with a valet parking situation in front where I was instructed to pick her up from. The driveway was filled with Range Rovers, Bentleys, Mercedes, BMWs, you name it, and I was fortunate enough to pull up in my huge Uhaul. FML

The Pritchett Sisters Feng Shui

Inspiration

Realization


What do you think?
(pretend like I am not super lazy and used a real camera, and not my i-phone)

Amazing.

Because tomorrow is Friday!



I think this beats JP's video.

xoxo Mel